Ignorance is bliss
by Jonathan Kaufman
Today we offer — at nearly 600 words — the world’s longest newspaper correction.
I made what turned out to be a fairly glaring grammatical error in a recent column here in the Standard-Examiner, and I’ve been just sick about it ever since. Following my Sept. 3 piece about the bomb-throwing beauty queen, a hyper-alert reader pointed out that I incorrectly used the word “because,” when I clearly should have used “that.”
I deeply regret the error, and promise I’m going to feel bad about that one just as soon as I can manage to develop even an ounce of shame over my writing skills. (Ogden, Utah Standard-Examiner)
You Grammar Nazis need to know what you’re dealing with here: My language skills are only slightly above those of Karl Malone. Sure, I do know what a noun and a verb are, but I have to think about it for a minute before I get that whole adverb/adjective thing right. And sorry, but frankly I wouldn’t know a gerund or a prepositional phrase if it came up and bit me on the dangling participle.